Pride Begins at Home: A Sacred Invitation to Love Fully

Dear Parents & Allies,

I hope you’ll read this with an open heart.

If you are the parent of someone who has come out to you as gay—or even if they haven’t yet—I want to speak to you gently, truthfully, and personally. Because your role in your child’s journey isn’t just important; it is sacred.

For many of us growing up queer, the earliest memories of difference are not always about romance or identity—but about otherness. Maybe it was not seeing ourselves in storybooks. Maybe it was hiding parts of ourselves to avoid ridicule or bullying. Or maybe it was knowing, even without words, that some part of who we are would disappoint the very people whose love we needed most - there's an everpresent fear - why wouldn't we think that? People throw words around without understanding the impact and not always thinking about the meaning, and kids are always listening... paying attention.

That fear—the fear of rejection or abandonment—is not imagined. It is passed between us like a silent inheritance. Some of us spend years hoping that love will outweigh disapproval. Some never get that hope fulfilled.

So when your child comes to you—nervous, trembling, maybe rehearsing those words for weeks or years before they finally say them aloud—"I’m gay"—you are witnessing an act of profound courage. And in that moment, your response has the power to either deepen a lifelong wound or begin to heal it.

You may have your own journey, too. You may need to wrestle with beliefs, fears, or grief. That’s okay. It’s human. But what’s not okay is making your child carry the weight of your discomfort while they’re trying to learn how to live authentically and shed years of internalized rejection.

Pride is more than parades and rainbows. It’s a celebration of survival. It is a declaration: I am not ashamed of who I am anymore. But pride didn’t begin with joy—it began with pain. The first Pride was a protest. It was born out of a desperate cry for recognition, dignity, and safety. And even today, many LGBTQ+ people are still fighting to feel fully seen—even in their own homes - many people are still dying, and many people are still hiding, suffering in silence.

So I have an ask for you: Be your child’s safe place. Be the home they can return to without hiding or shrinking. Make it clear—in words and actions—that their life, their love, and their identity are not just tolerated, but celebrated.

Your support can be a lifeline. Your presence, your love, your willingness to grow—it can undo years of shame. It can affirm their belonging, their beauty, their wholeness - your journey is unique to you as it is your child's - and mind you, I am using child, but your child may be an adult who is still suffering in silence, who still does not know how you'll respond, who still fears your rejection, the judgement, so this letter is for you - and for anyone who may to some degree play a pivotal role in the person's life.

Here are five personal and practical ways you can honor the gay person in your life:

1. Say the Words Out Loud

Don’t just say “I love you no matter what” or "Love is Love" - yes yes, those things are true but there's power in words and in acknowledging the truths you hear.

Say: “I love that you’re gay. I’m proud of who you are.” Say their partner’s name. Celebrate their milestones like you would any other child’s—graduations, engagements, promotions, and anniversaries. Speak their truth openly. Ask questions, be curious, be involved, be engaged.

Silence can feel like shame.

2. Show Up in Ways That Matter

Go with them to Pride—not to supervise, not as an observer, not as a bystander, but to celebrate. Learn the history. Listen to their stories. Stand beside them when others criticize or mock. If your faith community, workplace, or family isn’t affirming, don’t be neutral. Say something. Take a stand. Let them see you choosing them.

3. Keep Learning (and Unlearning)

Ask questions. Read books. Watch queer films and documentaries (Paris is Burning, Call ME By Your Name, Moonlight). Learn the difference between acceptance and affirmation. Challenge the stereotypes or jokes you may have once ignored. Let your child see you growing—and make space for them to grow, too.

4. Celebrate Queer Joy

So much focus is placed on struggle, but queer life is also filled with beauty and brilliance. Lean into that. Learn about LGBTQ+ artists, writers, and trailblazers. Send your child a song, a poem, a quote that reminds you of them. Celebrate their uniqueness as a source of light.

5. Create a Visible Welcome

Hang a small rainbow in your window or on your porch. Donate to LGBTQ+ charities in their name. Make sure your home, your language, and your relationships reflect not just passive acceptance, but active celebration. Let them know: You belong here.

If your child is still learning to love themselves, your acceptance might be the first brick in their foundation. You can’t fix every challenge they’ll face, but you can soften the world just enough to make them feel less alone in it.

So many of us grew up carrying silence like a second skin. Some of us still do. But every time a parent says “I’m proud of you,” every time a parent listens without judgment, or fights for their child’s dignity, a little more light breaks through.

Thank you for being part of that light.